Little Reports

The room is silent, with the ticktock of the clock behind me attempting to break the monotony of the night. Outside my window, darkness is framed on a panel of wood, laced with the apple green curtains that Mama draped on upon my arrival from Manila. My feet are getting cold as the nippy wind enters my room, giving me chills along my spine from time to time. And here I am in the middle of a tender night, amidst the calmness and laxity of an evening in Santiago City, clad in my favorite loose white shirt and my five-year old puruntong shorts. Alone in my room, the light emanating from my laptop serves as guide in writing this blog entry.

At this point I want to believe that lists are too childish, and that as I age, they become pettier and insignificant to my life. Gone are the days when listing up the things that I wanted would mean a dream come true. Gone also are the days when childhood dreams and wishes translated to satisfaction and tangible things. Now, with all the hustles and bustles of life, and the hard times that everyone claims to be affecting them in one point or another, listings for me have been keys that unlock a make-believe world of fantasies.

In this time and age, it is be better to be realistic. Sometimes it is much better to keep your heart and mind grounded in the demands and supplies of the now, to the limitations that yourself could only possibly subject itself to. Most of the time it is with life's realities, and not with what you dream of, that you get contentment, enlightenment, happiness. Sometimes you expect too much, wish too much, yearn for too much, only to end up greatly disappointed in the finality of things, if there is such to begin with.

It is with these (shaky) reasons that I decided not to have some New Year resolutions and whatnot, if only to fill the year ahead of me with unbearable pressure and hazardous expectancy. While almost everyone is busy whipping their latest concoction of proposals, I would like to have a brief breakdown of the things and happenings that came in and took place in the year that, in a few hours, I would bid my farewell to.

Year 2008 has been kind to me in terms of material things. And for all of these, I would like to thank--who else?--my parents for being so generous, in spite of... (and there goes the litany about our trying times) Nonetheless I am still lucky to have my first ever precious gadget in years--my laptop Leda!

After all the nudging and cajoling--that I have been a consistent honor student in school, that every student needs a laptop for convenience sake, that I am in my third year, fast approaching fourth year, which means thesis, etc.--I have finally gotten that hard-to-earn yes. Thus, Leda. Though I still remain a self-confessed technophobic, this gift is one of those I truly treasure and appreciate this year.

Last 2007 I promised myself to haul my ass off my comfort zone, do some serious grind, and find a work that could give me a good amount of wherewithal, to sustain my then looming financial crisis. Look: The requirements in UP are unbelievable, with all the demands to photocopy readings, to contribute to a group project, to pay org fees and other miscellaneous. And since my sister entered college, Mama also had to scrimped on on our weekly allowance, slashing nearly fifty per cent of it, to my and my brother's chagrin and dismay of course.

So what else is there left for the capricious me?

This year I was lucky enough to find a job that decently paid back the hard-work and service that I rendered. Albeit the short-lived duration of my work (that lasted for only three tiring weeks), I learned a lot from it, earned a lot from it, and enjoyed a lot because of it. They say that being a teacher--or a tutor, for that matter--is not an easy job; now that I experienced what's the like of being one, I can attest to the veracity of the statement. Doing lesson plans, pondering on what activities to let your tutee work on, dividing your time for academic and personal stuff just to give your tutee--and a 28 year-old Korean tutee at that!--the right treatment that his money deserved--all of these were totally taxing on my part, exhaustively exhausting me to the bone at the end of a week's tutorial service. But then again, the patience, the knowledge, and of course, the amount of money I gained from the whole experience remain, up to this moment, priceless!

However unfriendly and harsh I may seem to others, I am always thankful for newfound friends who come into my life. Any friendship, either long-term or short-lived, is for me an investment. What could be more touching than a friend whom you haven't seen in years saying hi to you and giving you a warm hug upon bumping into each other in an indifferent corridor in UP? What else could be more inspiring than to see a bunch of giddy, frustrated writers conversing and converging inside a deteriorating kubo, sharing their often rickety and sometimes uncertain views about life, love, and writing? And finally, what else could be more heartwarming than to be considered--even as a second choice--and to be trusted by an organization (in which you are a new member of) to host a big, spectacular event of theirs for the year? Indeed, I keep my old and new friends as precious as gems that continue to give shine in my life--high tide or low tide!

Modesty aside, I feel brighter this year. Thanks to the friends, classmates, teachers, and other people whose presence I stumble upon in one point or another, in various settings, moods and swings of my life. If there's one thing that I love about life, it is the continuous learning process that all of us are subject to, or so I like to think. I believe that in terms of books read, experiences experienced, ideologies in mind, the totoy in me has matured a lot. And I hope this continues as the years pile up...

Of course, however nonsensical this may sound, Booksale has been rubbing on me with such divinity! It's paradise, guys! I remember years back when all I wanted to read were brand new books purchased from National, Powerboooks, or Fully Booked. Those were the years when Mama was always there ready to shoulder whatever I wanted. But now, with the tables turned, I have to save on my budget big time, always thinking thrice before splurging on whatever luxury and niceties that life has to offer.

That, basically, was how my sweet relationship with Booksale and its ilk started. From Booksale Cubao to Booksale Megamall, from the Pick-A-Book branch in ABS-CBN to the Manila Book Fair in Pasay, I have had doggedly scoured them like crazy! And for the coming year, there's certainly no way of stopping me in doing so.

My family also, as always, has always been a blessing to me. What and where am I now, after all, if not for my family? 2008 has been tough on us though, but thankfully, we generally survived the tests of times. With my lolo's health once again taking the nosedive because of complications in diabetes and his heart ailment, our family really have had a hard time adjusting. Now, apart from the expensive medications, it is more of vegetables and fish and chicken for the old folk, which most of the time he really detests against, being the man that he is who wolfs down igado, adobo, lechon, asado, and the likes like a hurricane wiping out an entire city!

Another thing that I am utterly thankful about is the good diagnosis on Mama's breast tumor. It was August of this year when Mama started to feel pains on her breasts. After several self-tests, she then discovered some lumps. Upon learning about this I was really taken by shock, since my mother's side has a grave history of cancer. Good thing that the tumors were benign and that they, according to the doctors, were just hormonal, whatever that meant.

I love you, Mama!

Finally, this year has been good to me academically speaking. Despite all the pressure in school, the responsibilities in organizations, the timidity that takes the good out of me from time to time--I am able to maintain, thank God, a good academic record. Whenever asked about my school life and about me being a conscientious student, I always answer back and reason out that it is my duty to do good in school only because I want to see my parents proud and happy of me at the end of the semester, when bank accounts are poorer, the parents' gusto for work damp, and my body worn-out of schoolwork.

I love you, Mama and Papa!

Tonight we'll be once again bidding an either acerbic or glorious bye-bye to year 2008. Time indeed flits so fast, that we are left aghast or in-awe with the things, people, and happenings in the year that has been. No matter how cliche, a brand new year after all always means hope...transformation...wisdom...

As we look forward, may we find happiness to the lessons learned in the past years of our lives. As we look forward, may we find peace in the phases that ended and the chapters that are about to open for us to cherish, savor, and indulge in. As we look forward, may we find strength in building a better present, a better now, a better self, so that the world's future will be brighter and merrier to our eyes. As we look forward, may we consider the past as the present and the present as our future, for us to relish and experience whatever we have now with so much enthusiasm, enlightenment, and ebullience. And as we look forward, may we fully enjoy and improve on ourselves with the gift of a new year mainly just because...

Cheers to 2009!